Is it hard to be in this relationship? Is there any problem between you and your partner?
Did you say SO MANY and UNSOLVEABLE?
Cool down, take a deep breath. We all have problems. Some of us have more and serious problems and others have less. Nobody is perfect. There is no perfect match available.
A relationship between two who both are NOT perfect can have problems. That is normal. It is almost impossible to find a perfect match because I, you and he or she is not perfect.
What we can do is choose the best match for the best relationship. For example:
- For our children, we choose best school available or the best we can afford BUT not the perfect one? Why? Because the image of a PERFECT school we are drawing in our mind doesn’t exist.
- We go out for grocery and we choose the best available.
- For medical treatment, we choose the best available doctor or the best affordable doctor.
- We choose best available society to live, NOT perfect.
- Best available
- Best available
I just realize that we all want a perfect partner but everything else we do according to the availability. We choose the best available.
Similarly, we choose a partner which our best match. Afterward, we have to do following things:
- We have to train our guts to accept that we ourselves are not perfect and we also do mistakes, disappoint others, yell on our partner being unknown about our mistake, and we hesitate while saying sorry.
- We have to help our self and partner to ignore about his or her imperfections, to ignore about his or her mistakes.
A relationship is a duty of both of you. More often I heard from friends that after marriage she or he is changed. Nobody says: “After marriage, I am changed”. Why? Don’t you think that after marriage you might have more changes than in your partner? Of course, it can be the case but we don’t think about it.
It is all about how much we want to alter in ourselves, how much we want to adjust if we want to ignore the mistakes of our partner. If we make a mistake and luckily we realize it we want our partner to forgive us but what about another way around? We think that is what we were waiting for, the chance to show her or him that how dumb she or he is.
NO, it is not fair. In such circumstances, a relationship will be stretched to permanent deformations. After such deformations between partners, the relationship will never take the same shape as before.
How can you make your relationship better?
By helping you, partner! By helping yourself!
First of all, you need to know what weaknesses of your partner are. You can just observe them. If you are in this relationship from long you already know them. In this case BINGO, you are already one step ahead. If not, start working on it, observe your partner. What makes him fear, what makes him feel helpless, what are those things he doesn’t like to do or see or visit?
You have done homework and get to know all this about your partner. Now you have to try to help him deal with all those things.
- You have to discuss with your partner he or she fears about, directly or indirectly. Your partner will like it and you will see immediate results of it. You have to have patience at this time because some are not that easy to talk about such things. If you have patience and ability to make them talk about this topic, take my words your partner will fall in love with you again.
- Talk to your partner about his or her feeling of helplessness about anything. Make them talk about it but DON’T force, let him or her take time to open up about it in front of you. BUT to make him or her to do so you have to be their motivation. As soon as you get to know start working possible efforts you can to make their feeling go.
- This is the last and final experience which will make your relationship stronger than ever if you apply it carefully and constantly with unlimited patience. It is all about feeding your relationship as you feed yourself or your children or pet. If you will not feed them they will survive. Right, will they survive? NO!!! Similarly, a relationship is something we have to feed it always. As soon as you stop feeding it will starve and slowly it will be dead before you get to know. What do you have to feed? Just attention and care.
These are the three MANTRAS to make your relationship grow every second, minute and day. Keep in mind that we are not perfect. We all do mistakes. We can’t get it better if we will not change or adjust ourselves. You don’t have to be the boss of this relationship but you have to be the leader.
The KILLER of the relationship is Expectation
Everybody has expectations and everybody can expect something from a partner. That is true, but how much and what you expect, does it have any limit? Don’t expect your partner to be a superhero or wonder women or your brain reader. Everybody has their own way of doing things.
This also comes into the field of observation. How much you observe your partner. Everybody is different. Sometimes you do something great for our partner but he or she fined it not that great as you do. That is OK. That is fine. It doesn’t mean he or she has changed or he or she doesn’t care about your feelings. If you do so it means you are possessed by your feelings and doing over thinking. Here you have to ignore. Of course, you can talk to your partner about it but not right now. Let it go, forgive him or her. Let the right time come and just tell him or her with a better humor.
You don’t know maybe same thing had already happened with your partner and he or she just ignored it and didn’t even talk about it. It happens both sides. So which one is the best deal? Talking about each other’s expectations, right? You have to talk and motivate your partner to talk about if you sometimes disappointed in his or her expectations.
If you apply all this to your relationship with motivation, loyalty, and patience you will become the happiest couple before you get to know about it.
Just keep in mind nobody is perfect we all do mistake!